Today I Forgive Myself For My Sadness

Today, I find myself in a dark place, a place filled with sadness, frustration, anger and pain! So today, I forgive myself for my sadness!

Special Needs Mamas I wrote this for you, for us…FOR ME!

Where do I go from here? I can’t seem to find the right words, the right path to help me move past what I am feeling.

The struggle is real!

Nothing seems to be working!

The explanations!

The consequences!

The rewards!

Nothing is working!

Where did I go wrong? How did I fail you?

I always thought that our “mother/son” bond was unbreakable. I was there from the first moment.

Through the cries, the fevers, the throwup.

The doctor appointments, the shots, the therapies.

Showed up at school, we did storytime together!

Helped you learn how to walk, write and play!

Held your hand! Gave you hugs when you needed them. Wiped your tears when you were scared.

So where did I go wrong?

As I sit here watching you get on the bus, frustrated and angry I am not sure if those feelings are towards me, something I did or said! But I pray that you will forgive me!

As I see you yelling at me and disrespecting me, I chose to see the love and the kindness you have for me!

Know that Mama will always be here for you, whenever…wherever you need me! I am here!

So today despite my frustration and sadness, I chose to see happiness!

Today I chose love!

Today I chose you!

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