Moving Past the Guilt as A Down Syndrome Mom

I feel this very way right now. As we are working through my son’s IEP and I am reading progress reports. I am sitting here questioning what if I spent more time encouraging my son to read, what if I spent more time doing math problems with him, what if I spent more time playing games and doing worksheets where would he be at?

As I watch him struggling with Math I feel so guilty. I also see his displeasure when I ask him to read books. I know reading can be difficult for him as well, but I wished he could find some pleasure in them as an opportunity to open the door to learning. I wonder “what if”.

But I know I can’t do this to myself.

As I was driving to the store I popped on Joel Osteen’s podcast and began listening to the episode entitled “Move Forward”. And as I sat there listening, it was like Joel was talking to me. He knew I was in the car and this is what he said: “In your car, there is a big windshield in the front and a small rearview mirror in the back and the reason this is because what has happened in your past is not nearly as important as what’s in your future.”

Now, this whole episode can mean something different to everybody, but for me, it resonated with my son and wishing he was further along with his academics. Despite every book I purchased, worksheet I printed from Teachers Pay Teachers, every pack of sight word flashcards I brought from the dollar section at Target. It just doesn’t seem to be enough!

If you stay focused on your past you will get stuck where you are. Close the door on regrets and open new doors to joy!

So instead of thinking about how I could have done things differently to help him learn how to multiply or how to write a book report, I am going to meet him where he’s at and help him to move past the things “he should know” and help him to find success on the things “he does know”.

God doesn’t want us to wake up with regrets, so I am going to start each morning forgiving myself and giving myself Grace because there is nothing I can do about it now, but I will do better teaching him something new today!

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